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Why I Would Make An Excellent Druidess

By Mallory Ortberg

1. My understanding of “druids” as a profession and as a religion is pleasantly vague, which is exactly how I like my job descriptions and spiritual practices.

2. I’m into the moon in a big way, which I feel like would be helpful.

3. I have plenty of experience resenting Christianity as . . . → Read More: Why I Would Make An Excellent Druidess

How To Care For Your New Changeling

By Mallory Ortberg

“A changeling is the offspring of a fairy, troll, or elf that has been secretly left in the place of a human child. Sometimes the term is also used to refer to the child who was taken. The apparent changeling could also be a stock or fetch, an enchanted piece of wood . . . → Read More: How To Care For Your New Changeling

What Sort of Stereotypical Hermetic Student Are You?

By Nick Farrell

Hermetic groups are packed with lots of different types of people, but you start to notice a few stereotypes. Here is my list, it is not complete and not to be taken seriously.

The Tourist

The Tourist joins lots of different groups and never settles with one. They can be trying their . . . → Read More: What Sort of Stereotypical Hermetic Student Are You?

Does Terpsichore Tapdance?

By Barbara Ardinger

[Snip] The Muses are the daughters of Mnemosyne, Memory, and were raised on Mount Olympus. I still remember visiting a nice mainstream metaphysical church where one of the members was introducing the speaker. This member kept referring to “MEEnosyne.” Who is that? I kept asking myself, and when the speaker mentioned the . . . → Read More: Does Terpsichore Tapdance?

Denny’s Celebration of Baconalia Has Pagan Roots

By Susan B. Xenu

Anyone who watches TV, and who doesn’t? How else will we know where to spend our hard earned christian dollars? Wil have noticed that the restruant of Denny’s has a new sell the celebrates Bacon.

[Snip] But alas! My investigative research has proven that there is an ancient pagan festival at . . . → Read More: Denny’s Celebration of Baconalia Has Pagan Roots

Monotheism: Who’s Your Daddy?

By Tess Dawson

I casually flip through the bumper stickers at a metaphysical shop. One sticker in particular catches my eye, and I cease shuffling them. This sticker, with its cheery gold background and Celtic knot work border, proudly proclaims “Christianity has Pagan DNA!” Certainly the scribe of this phrase does not mean this literally, . . . → Read More: Monotheism: Who’s Your Daddy?

So, You’ve Been Accused of Witchcraft…

By Daniel Florien

So someone says that you’ve turned them into a newt. What happens next? Lapham’s Quarterly has produced this handy flowchart derived from the Malleus Maleficarum, a fifteenth century witch hunter’s book written by Heinrich Kramer.

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My 50 Favorite Stupid Statements Christians Make To Pagans


1. You should read the Bible. 2. So you don’t believe in God? 3. You do know you’re going to Hell, right? 4. Why would you do that to your kids? 5. Witches aren’t real!

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. . . because Pagan/Heathen/Alternative Spirituality takes too long to type, and Mysterious Dead Grandmother and Cleopatra Morrison syndromes are a threat to the very polyester blend of reality

By Snooze Hamilton

I started using a couple of acronyms (that are ones I came up with) awhile back, because 1) I’m lazy and 2) . . . → Read More: PHAs, MDGs, & CMS

The History of Sam Hane

By Themon

[Snip] I have just returned from a Druidic Gorsedd where we discussed our sinister plans for our upcoming Samhain rite. For those who are unaware, a Gorsedd is a dark and secretive gathering of Druids in which we ritually sacrifice one or more food groups. Tonight we took the sharpened blade to a . . . → Read More: The History of Sam Hane