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I thought we ought to have enough pagan lightbulb jokes to insult everybody…. But feel free to add any that I may have missed.

>

> Q–How many Gardnerians does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"Sorry, that's a Third Degree mystery."

> A–"Why do you want to know…Initiate?"

> A–"Hmph, that's the Maiden's job!"

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Alexandrians does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"Let's go see how the Gardnerians do it!"

> A–Thirteen; a High Priestess to change the bulb, and 12 coven members to

> hold her up under all that jewelry!

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many British Traditional Witchess does it take to change a light

> bulb?

> A–Thirteen; one to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the old bulb's passing.

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Dianic women does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–One, and it's not funny, dammit!

> A–"That's W-I-M-M-I-N, and it's not funny!"

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–None; Thelemites embrace the dark as well as the light.

> A–None; real Thelemites aren't afraid of the dark!

> A–None; Crowley never wrote a book about it.

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–501; one to change the bulb, and 500 to align the new stone.

> A–Six; one to change the bulb, one to write a song about how much better

> the old bulb was, and four to write conflicting parodies of the second

> Druid's song.

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Fam-Trad Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"Candlelight was good enough for our ancestors; it's good enough for us!"

> A–"Go ask your own Grandmother!"

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Starhawk Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"There are starving villagers in Africa who don't even HAVE lightbulbs!"

> A–"When you have enough self-esteem, you won't need to change the bulb!"

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Solitary Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–(Drum your fingers and stare at them as you wait for them to grasp the

> obvious.)

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Erisians does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–How many have we got?

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Frost "School of Wicca" Witches does it take to change a light

> bulb?

> A–"Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195, we'll send you our

> complete 'Witches Secret Power of Light Bulb Changing Course' with real

> knowledge that you can apply to ANY light bulb ANYwhere! Listen to the

> testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin…"

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Discordians does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–Five tons.

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Wiccans does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–Four; one for each direction.

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many members of IOT does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted."

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Proteans does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"I can't tell you; we never change a bulb the same way twice!"

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Buckland Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"Refer to my second book, Practical Light Bulb Changing."

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Tantrics does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–Two, as long as the lamp is near the bed!

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Ceremonial Magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–One; he holds up the light bulb and the world revolves around him.

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"What do you want it changed into?"

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Kitchen Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"The light bulb's already been changed."

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Pagans does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–Six; one to change the bulb, and 5 to sit around complaining about how,

> "Light bulbs never burned out before the Christians came along!"

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many shamans does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–None; they shapeshift into a cat or a bat, and can see in the dark.

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–Two; one to change the bulb, and one to not change it.

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–None; the Universe changes the bulb, and the Zen Master stays the hell

> out of the way!

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–"Like, we don't use light bulbs; we just think happy thoughts at our

> quartz crystals until they glow!"

> ———————————————————————-

> Q–How many Asatru does it take to change a light bulb?

> A–None; the light from the burning monasteries is enough!

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of

Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services

started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their

lives, their families,etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the

church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance,

trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil. Soon

everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who

sat calmly in his pew, not moving… seemingly oblivious to the fact that

God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so

he walked up to the man and said,"Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of

me?"

The man calmly replied,"Been married to your sister for over 48 years!"