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Why I Would Make An Excellent Druidess

By Mallory Ortberg

1. My understanding of “druids” as a profession and as a religion is pleasantly vague, which is exactly how I like my job descriptions and spiritual practices.

2. I’m into the moon in a big way, which I feel like would be helpful.

3. I have plenty of experience resenting Christianity as an institution.

4. Three fucking words: Naturally. Red. Hair.

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