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I Praise the God of Outsiders

By G. Krasskova

I will never be initiated into the mysteries of Dionysos. Unless He Himself chooses to bless me in that way –unlikely for reasons that I’ll discuss below–I will never move beyond Βούκολος. Essentially, this means I will always be an outsider to the deepest mysteries of the θιάσος and that’s a very interesting place to be. In a way, it allows me, what to me, seems a very special means of connecting to Dionysos. He is ever the outsider too. He is a God Who always comes into a community from without, ever the ξένος, stirring things up, a God of foreigners, aliens, misfits, outsiders who fit no where else. He is ever at the periphery of things–like a predator, a hunger scoping out potential prey. I, who fit few places, who struggle to tame my own savagery, who am also ξένη even to myself sometimes, well, I can connect to Him as a perpetual outsider too. I look upon it as an uncomfortable blessing, but a blessing nonetheless.

I was not actually surprised when hours of the necessary divination showed that I could proceed only so far as Βούκολος. I was (and am) in fact grateful to be permitted to go this far. To serve as His priest is a grace and gift that I shall always cherish. I am not permitted into His mysteries because I am steeped as deeply as I can be in the mysteries of another God: Odin. To become one of the μύσται of Dionysos would irrevocably change my wyrd and it would change the obligations of my afterlife; and while I may venerate Dionysos, love Him, serve as His priest even, in the end I *belong* to Odin and when I die, it is to Him that I shall go and in Him that my greatest obligations rest. I am barred from undergoing the Dionysian mysteries because I have undergone Odinic ones. These things are not pretty rituals, or fancy words. They leave their mark. They score the soul. They pattern us beyond the mortal world.

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