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So. You Bought that Book on Kitchen Witchery?

By Seba

[Snip] Now, I’ve read quite a lot about kitchen witchery on the “internets” of late; seems that the practice has grown in popularity alongside the commercialized food industry. There appears to be a wealth of books out and about that incorporate pre-crafted spells and recipes for the beginner kitchen witch. And I call: bullspit. Y’all, let’s get real about this little slice of the Craft: it cannot be copied or imitated and only the guidelines can be taught. I reckon there will be a witchy outcry against this contention, but there it is. Floppin’ around like a catfish out of water. Those of us who were raised by true kitchen crafters know that, even with scratch and sniff, a book ain’t gonna hold your hand and vibrate those eggs. Nor will it lift energy, like a slow burn, under a beginner spell–even it if does rhyme. Naw, there is an olden method that cannot be obtained through literary osmosis. And even here, I cannot teach it.

But I can give you a whiff. Let’s talk poultry.

A proper kitchen witch NEVER buys chicken stock–lessen the in-laws are on their way in for a surprise visit, and even then . . . No sirree. I suppose not ‘ary one of y’all has a chicken coop out back, so the first critical step is to haul off to the local Piggly and buy a chicken. As organic and local as you possibly can, and then:

(We’ve had this conversation before, remember?) Get comfy. Find yor favorite cutoffs, bare those toes and sling that bra across the room (lessen you are of the nuttier variety, at which juncture I highly suggest free-ballin’.) Now. Turn up the music that speaks the food you want to create.

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